christopherkliks
christopherkliks
| Forum role | Member since | Last activity | Topics created | Replies created |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Member | Nov 24, 2008 (17 years) |
- | 1 | 0 |
- Forum role
- Member
- Member since
Nov 24, 2008 (17 years)
- Last activity
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- Topics created
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Bio
I am a film producer-writer who has spent the last four years on a nonfiction medical memoir about the nefarious adventures of life with a medical service dog that has more on the ball than the one being serviced.
Writing a book, especially one in which telling the truth seems to be a major requirement is a daunting challenge for someone like me, who likes to embellish, dramatize, whine, fantasize and otherwise make things up as I go along.
That's what twenty years of working in the film industry will do to you. I have made or collaborated on over forty films and multi media projects, most of which you never heard of, or ever will.
My favorite works were multi projector giant screen shows meant for singular events, usually designed to get people to cry and sign checks for that new nanoscience wing or maximum security mental health unit on the back forty.
I also worked on a few features, as one of the countless minions without which this or that "major motion picture" never would have been finished.
For example: I held a fire hose atop a four story scissors jack, gushing forth an emotional and unforgettable performance onto the extras below. I distinguished myself on that occasion by being the first person not to blow themselves over within a single twelve hour shift.
I have been a painter, a set dresser and decorator, a fill in emergency four in the morning do what I'm told (word for word) screenwriter on the set after current screenwriter in that job locked themselves in the bathroom and would not come out. Or were they just banned from the set? It was so long ago.
My favorite film job was also my first time on a feature. I was only hired because I had a class C truck driver's license., but I believed I'd finally made it to the big time. Eventually I was given more responsibility, like going down to Levitz and clearing out their entire furniture inventory to replace "that horrific-get it out of my sight!" disastrous house-full of 16th century Gothic hardware with the MODERN GOTHEM setting the director had called for.
It was Halloween night and everyone (but me) partied through the entire shoot which was held in a decrepit mansion lit up like a London Blitz. I had to move furniture all night... Out with the suit of armor, in with the crystal skull end-tables, etc.
I had a perfect safety record until then, but the next day, I backed up my 16 wheeler semi and cut a brand new 1989 Volkswagen Camper-van in half. I was already late for the setup, so all I could do was leave a not on the owner's windshield. "Sorry. My mistake"
So when the final accounting was done All the many and various miracles I had wrought, all the bad back sacrifices I had made were overshadowed by this mysterious twenty thousand dollar claim for a brand new VW camper.
"Well, You just try backing up a semi in the pearl district at rush hour after not having slept for 26 hours driving hither and yon loading and unloading all this shit ." was my excuse. I was cordially thanked and fired. There are no excuses in the film world. Only "Thank-you and you are fired"
Ever the optimist, I am naive enough to believe that the writing profession will be different. At least there is the possibility I can still lie and make a living at it. Otherwise I guess I will have to fall back onto teaching others how to lie for a living, which honestly, I might be good at.
Either way. Writing. Filmmaking. Its ALL ABOUT telling stories isn't it?
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