danmccortonyoutube
danmccortonyoutube
| Forum role | Member since | Last activity | Topics created | Replies created |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Member | Aug 1, 2016 (9 years) |
- | 1 | 0 |
- Forum role
- Member
- Member since
Aug 1, 2016 (9 years)
- Last activity
- -
- Topics created
- 1
- Replies created
- 0
Bio
Dan McCort doesn't particularly like writing about himself, especially in the third-person, but doesn't have the resources to hire a biographer, or even someone especially adept in delivering a multidimensional account of mediocrity, much less a publicist. He spends considerable energy disrupting healthy sleep patterns and has spent 1/3 of his adult life in excellent physical condition despite the fact that he is shockingly malnourished for someone that has access to a refrigerator and multivitamins. He has owned two cars, both of which were purchased with laundered money, because it's not unreasonable to ask for a cashier’s check when you are cashing 4+ figures worth of winnings at the Turning Stone Casino. Both cars cost very little up front, but have bankrupted Dan in repairs, because he has no ability to visualize a more reasonable long-term objective. As a result, all of the bookings listed on this site are tentative with regard to an impending unaffordable automotive issue.
The arch of Dan's comedic career suggests that it is in everyone's best interest to attend shows only in the near future, as increasing convictions for monetary conspiracy theories will ultimately make his act completely unpalatable by late 2014.
Dan has an unblemished history of maintaining 0 relationships of any kind for longer than 2 years. The most surprising aspect of every individual actively losing all contact with him is that there has been no single event leading to irreconcilability. Every relationship has gradually become unbearably passive-aggressive, and Dan rationalizes his capacity for erring on the uncomfortable side of disagreeable, as being an interpersonal Tony Robbins, because, "Everyone who knows me for an extended period of time seems to become 'real busy.'"
Dan McCort has been an active, stand-up comedian for over 8 years, and has been headlining shows since 2011, but in a concerted effort to build a larger repertoire, has actively tried to remain under the radar until 2013. He spent 6 years performing nightly all around Manhattan and the less profitable boroughs as well. Twice he accepted a low paying, underpublicized gig just to be able to say, "I can't make it this week. They're flying me down to Tampa to headline through Saturday." He was the first place winner, out of 48 comedians in the first annual Unforgettable Comedy Challenge 2012, and headlined all the shows for the contest the following year. He has been featured in the Boston Comedy Festival as well as the Ithaca Comedy Festival and the Binghamton Comedy and Arts Festival.
Dan completely lost his libido over the course of two weeks in November 2011. As a result his life has improved dramatically. For the first time in 15 years he is absolutely certain he doesn’t have HIV, because he has refrained from risky behavior for the entire duration of the HIV incubation period. As of lately Dan has seriously considered anonymously donating copious amounts of sperm to populate the globe with his own genetics without any responsibility whatsoever, but he has reservations because he’s unsure about the direction of his life and the possibility of becoming that 50 year old asshole exercising heavy PDA with a 19 year old chick and needing to say, “We should get tested.” “Oh, I’m clean.” “No, not venereal disease, I want to make sure you’re not my daughter,” because that really pisses out the spark.
Given his comedic aspirations, Dan McCort clearly exhibits high self-esteem, but he is also honest and realistic and realizes that nothing above his neck should be considered aesthetically pleasing. The most interesting insight into the life of Dan is that he lived through a 2 year window, age 19 and 20, where this was not the case at all. It was preceded by a general disregard for hygiene in which he had dreadlocks down to his shoulders, and followed by a sudden loss of volume accompanied by patterned balding. What’s interesting is that during that window girls would occasionally call him cute, which was accompanied by proposals of interest at least twice a month. In the subsequent 9 years that followed three girls have displayed only passive interests in pursuit, and he held onto them like a serrated blade in Juarez Mexico. Statistically, that is a 98.6% drop in business. Grasp that honestly for a moment. It’s probably, realistically more of a drastic human contact juxtaposition than Charla Nash, the chimp victim, dealt with. At least she gets to Hannibal Lector someone else’s face around town. I digress. It’s just a really bazaar two year insight.
His comedy is most aptly described as a seamless, general disregard for humanity. Feel free to peruse the standup clips on this site. Read the blogs, which are generally not comedic in tone, but just a note, the blogs that are going up this year are very long, but Dan makes a concerted effort to tie seemingly tangential information together into one synergistic point (We know, synergy is a horrible word). The warning is that you might need an intermission. If not, videos require no reading. Dan is, ironically, an outspoken detractor of visual learning. This is clearly too many words, but if you want more you know where to find me, because “I get around.” –Shock G and The Digital Underground.
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