feistydreamer
feistydreamer
| Forum role | Member since | Last activity | Topics created | Replies created |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Member | Aug 31, 2007 (18 years) |
- | 1 | 0 |
- Forum role
- Member
- Member since
Aug 31, 2007 (18 years)
- Last activity
- -
- Topics created
- 1
- Replies created
- 0
Bio
About me...
I'm a university student, female by gender. Book-lover, headbanger, freak-on-the-inside though you probably wouldn't guess from looking at the outside. Cynical, jaded, sarcastic optimist, life-long dreamer who would love to be able to be a believer. Guess it depends on the beliefs, betraying honor for obedience and the promise of forgiveness? Fuck that, I accept my faults, and give no one the right to claim my achievements.
I often like books over people, and fantasy over reality; “Today’s reality forecast is again disappointing and soul-destroying, with possible showers of nihilism in the afternoon”. Not a loner though (except when by choice), I have friends who accept my not-quite-normalness, though lonely has little to do with how many people are around.
A bit of light with my darkness, just enough to see. My heaven will be candle-lit, rough and smoky and immoral as hell. Fuck morals, rules, should-nots, can-nots, my commandment is "thou shalt not steal" - 'cause that's really the only crime, which separates humans from ‘lower’ life. Don't take what's not yours to have is the whole of the law. What's murder but theft of life, rape but theft of control, the right to say 'no'? Greed a theft of other's possibilities, cruelty the theft of other's joy, betrayal the theft of trust and gluttony the theft of other's goals? All the other rules, break them. That say you shouldn't feel this, you should only dream of that, you're wrong, sick, deviant (embarrassed eyes don’t want to see, ‘cause maybe they’d have to admit the same need). Know your place, accept and obey. The strings that hold society together? More the chains of the soul. What would you do tomorrow with complete freedom? Bet it’s not what you did today. It’s a pity, but I’m exactly the same way.
I feel trapped by modern society: buy-buy-buy, throw out when you get tired, trade it in, upgrade! Mass-production, mass-consumption, mass-boredom 'till you get that next toy. Rape the world for distraction, entertainment, 'cause O-Holy-Growth can never stop. Clothe it in pretty lies, statistics that tell untruths, to stay comfortable we have to stay the course, and deliberate inconvenience is the true unforgivable sin. But I'm guilty too, can't accuse others of rape without accepting shame. I'm not strong enough to break the cycle, just enough to feel despairing and self-superior in my distain. We have to consume, that’s the price of life. I just wish I felt more like we earned it, instead of dirty thieves, parasites taking until its dry, two-legged locusts without the empathy to see how we’re living is causing both ‘us’ and ‘them’ to die. I hope one day alien life finds us, would they be wiser and save us from ourselves? But I'd pass by if I was them, avoid the blue-green human-made hell.
I love life. Might sound funny after all that, but its still true. I like to believe life will win-out from self-destruction, something will be found to tether us to each other, something more then what we have now (supply and demand?). My optimist says it’ll work out eventually, even if we have to fall and start again. And again, just don’t let us reach the end. As long as there is change there can be hope, eternity terrifies me without that chance.
I love nature. It’s beautiful and mysterious, no expectations but to survive and breed. I love its purity, it’s always 100%, life and death and struggle and victory for the victor. Endless possibility, ecosystem to protein, defying moralities, the bottom can only be mortality. It's often not pretty (blood splattered on snow, half a carcass, rotting and chewed) but it’s still beautiful, it doesn't waste, it doesn't fake, it doesn't lie (except that last is a lie, like the trapdoor spider hiding inside, most of nature lies constantly in the game to survive). It says "try your best and we'll see", no promises, no guarantee (or your money back indeed).
What’s my point? I really don’t have one. Musings cloaked in pompous semi-rhyme, ‘cause it sounds deeper that way, like I actually have something new to say. Gotta get it out any way you can.
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