reformedegyptian
reformedegyptian
| Forum role | Member since | Last activity | Topics created | Replies created |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Member | Dec 27, 2007 (18 years) |
- | 1 | 0 |
- Forum role
- Member
- Member since
Dec 27, 2007 (18 years)
- Last activity
- -
- Topics created
- 1
- Replies created
- 0
Bio
Canadian, eh. Age 35-ish. A few children. Many amazing spiritual experiences which I have attributed to God telling me the LDS Church was indeed 'true' and thus bolstering my 'testimony'. Today however, I have a testimony that the LDS Church is lying to me, my wife, our children and to the world.
Married 15-ish years to a wonderful woman who is completely in denial (stop-think) of the realities of the LDS Church; she knows she's being lied to and is troubled by a few of the 'issues' she's come across, however she refuses to believe it can be anything less than true due to her experiences. She chalks up the 'issues' to prophets making "mistakes" when they were just 'men' vs. being 'prophets'.
A few months ago when I made the mistake of sharing my doubts with her, she told me she was seriously considering divorcing me and wasn't sure she loved me anymore. She's since rethought things and has asked me to "pretend", and that if I loved her enough I would do so -- to save her from her LDS world falling apart.
So today, I pretend, I don't bring up issues and I work on our relationship and put on my best TBM face. I also am working on understanding that it really is her entire world falling apart and it's not that her love for me can be turned on or off depending on my believing the lies or not, but rather it's her fear of all that she knows being lost, including me, our children and our 'eternity' together. It's as if I told her I was now 'gay' but I still loved her and wanted to work things out. Her mind can't conceive of her husband not being a faithful and believing Latter-Day Saint (akin to 'turning gay' - example given by her, no homophobia inference intended by me, though I do have plenty of that) so she asked me to become (or pretend to become) 'un-gay' and to give her her old reality back as the new reality was too painful for her to take in and what it would mean to her and our family.
This blog however is where the 'real me' will live so as to give me a 'vent' for all of my proverbial LDS-related 'steam'.
It hurts by DW to share too much, so I try to share and work things out...here.
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